Make Me Believe

Here's a song I wrote back around Christmastime. It's from Isidora's point of view (my main character from The Lovely Invisible). I finished the lyrics a few weeks ago and finally got around to recording it today. And, my, oh, my, did it end up being quite the project! I recorded several versions while my daughter was in preschool, only to discover my camera was making annoying clicking sounds as it recorded (lame, as I just got it a few months ago). So I tried a different camera, but the battery died and I couldn't find the charger. I resorted to using my iPhone, even though the video quality isn't the best. I also bribed my four-year-old with a trip to the dollar store if she promised to keep quiet in the other room while I attempted one more recording. So this isn't perfect, but I'm calling it good enough after the crazy day I've had!

The lyrics are below. :-)

MAKE ME BELIEVE

The darkness is closing in and
I don’t know a foe from a friend
Why can’t they see me for me?

My life was meant for chances
Not caught on false romances
My heart wants so much space to grow

I turn to you
To dreams
To face what I can’t see
To love
To peace
To hope
in you and me
Make me believe

So many look to me and
I don’t know what they see
Is what I have enough to give?

The ones I love are fading
Nothing I do is saving
My fear is ending up alone

I turn to you
To dreams
To face what I can’t see
To love
To peace
To hope
in you and me
Make me believe

The fragile earth is shaking
My marble strength is breaking
No choice is right, but I must choose
The dark night makes me falter
I lie across an altar
Give me one reason left to dream
Make me believe, believe, believe in you and me
Make me believe

I Have an Agent!

Although I never posted anything on my blog, my friends know I lost my agent last year when she quit the business for personal reasons. I had enough respect for her to trust she was making the right decision for herself, but I'm not going to lie, it was rough. My novel was still on submission with our first round of editors, and the feedback we'd received so far was positive. I felt certain we were close to selling. So when my agent quit without warning, it seemed like all the hard work and momentum I'd been building came to a screeching halt. After a couple days of bleary-eyed staring at the wall, I decided to get over myself and get back to work. My mom reminded me it's those who don't give up who succeed. I dove back into the last stretch of drafting my new novel and started querying my previously agented novel.

I'm going to back up and tell you I got my first agent without querying. When my first novel was polished and ready, I pitched it to her at a writers' conference, and she requested my full manuscript. Within a few days, she enthusiastically offered. I never queried anyone else. So when I queried for the first time after I'd lost my agent, and the interest in my novel wasn't dynamic, I worried. Was I really as talented as I thought? Was it a total fluke that I got an agent in the first place? In the meantime, my husband was still searching for adequate work after being laid off his job at the beginning of summer, and our perfect credit went down the drain as we could no longer afford renting out our home in Florida for less than the mortgage payment. We tried to sell it for what we owed, but no bites; pursuing a short sale was the next best option. My husband, our three children, and I were living in my in-laws' basement for what we'd originally thought would be a few short months, but now it seemed a never-ending prospect.

It took a lot of willpower, perseverance and courage to believe everything would turn out all right. It took a lot of faith to push through finishing my story, to let go of my own reality long enough to get lost in a world of my own imagining--but where my heroine also wrestled with loss of control over many aspects of her life, and where she worked to find creative ways to move forward and not be a victim to circumstance.

Sometimes my strength would crumble. I had my share of sob fests and moments of despair. But I refused to linger in that state of mind. Again and again, I'd pick myself up and get busy writing. At the end of January, I was ready to query my new novel. I took a deep breath and sent it out into the world. And this time I did see dynamic interest. Within a week, my full manuscript was out with several respectable agents. I tried not to get too excited, but I did allow myself to hope. I often hear people say, "Don't have any expectations." I see the logic behind that, but shouldn't we have faith? Shouldn't we believe in ourselves and our work? It's the more painful route when things don't work out, but I still believe we should dream. Sometimes it takes all the bravery in the world to cling to that hope. It often takes every last ounce of faith. It's hard, but I find it--that belief in me and my stories.

Josh Adams

My good friend Sara B. Larson read my manuscript and fell head-over-heels in love with it--so much so that she volunteered to recommend it to her agent, Josh Adams. He was sick with chickenpox (poor guy!), so she waited until he was better to mention me and THE LOVELY INVISIBLE, my YA fantasy, a retelling of the Greek myth, "Cupid & Psyche." Within a few short days, I got an email from him saying he wanted to call about a "possible offer of representation." Cue butterflies of anticipation and random fits of giggling. And then, as luck would have it, I caught a terrible cold and lost my voice. I emailed Josh a picture of myself, asking him to envision what I really looked like when we spoke, and not an 80-year-old smoker. He later told me when he got that email, he busted up laughing and knew right then and there he'd love working with me. He thought it was so "cute" (aww) that I was worried enough about my voice to feel compelled to do that. And telling me that endeared me to him. (He likes my weird personality! I can be myself with him! We're going to get on great!) That's how I felt during our entire phone conversation--so at ease, but also like I was in the hands of a pro, a business-savvy, personable power agent--WHO LOVES MY NOVEL. Does it get any better? Nope.

So, yes, this story has a happy ending. I am ECSTATIC, OVER THE MOON, WISH-I-COULD-SCREAM-IF-I-HAD-A-VOICE HAPPY to announce I'm now represented by the fantastic, one-of-a-kind Josh Adams of Adams Literary. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world and am beyond grateful for the opportunity to partner with someone so amazing for my publishing career.

I believe in good things to come.

Pucker Up!

credit

I've joined the Kissing Scene competition Cupid's Literary Connection is hosting. The following is from my young adult fantasy, THE LOVELY INVISIBLE. Isidora is a newly crowned 18-year-old queen in ancient Greece. Because her council wrongly views her as an ignorant girl, unprepared to rule, they rescind her governing power until she marries one of three preselected suitors. But the man she is drawn to isn't one of the three--or like them at all. He is invisible. In the excerpt below, Isidora is with one her suitors, Perrin, a money-wise fashionista from Athens. They are alone together in Aphrodite's temple to see how repairs are coming along after a recent earthquake.


“Would you like to try an experiment?” Perrin asked, his eyes dropping to my lips. He seemed...worried.

“What kind of experiment?”

“Just a kiss.” He narrowed his gaze, still fastened to my mouth. “Yes, that’s all I ask.”

The sound of striking hammers reverberated from outside, along with the faint shouts of commands from the workmen. I stared at Perrin and tried to imagine what kissing him would be like. I couldn’t stir up any buried sensations, only strange curiosity. But I supposed I ought to know if kissing him was agreeable. If we married, if we had to produce an heir one day, well, I should see what I was getting myself into.

“All right, Perrin. You may kiss me.”

He nodded with furrowed brows and took a deep breath. “I do find you very beautiful,” he said, as if to encourage himself. Then he let go of my hand and straightened his shoulders.

I glanced back at the temple door to see if it was still shut. When I turned around, I bumped noses with him. “Oh, excuse me, I didn’t realize you were so—” He kissed me quickly. “Oh,” I said again, reduced to a one-word vocabulary.

He drew back and scratched his clean-shaven chin. “Maybe if I…” He leaned in and kissed me again, or rather smashed his wet lips against mine, as if hoping more pressure might make the sensation more gratifying. He tilted his head a couple of times for good measure. Then he abruptly pulled back and we both gulped in a great breath.

“Thank you, Isidora,” he said, his cheeks colored more from embarrassment, I suspected, than a rush from the moment. “That was most, well…” He shrugged, and then turned and bowed to the frozen eyes of the goddess like he’d just offered her the grandest libation. “I’m sure Aphrodite respects love, or uh, admiration of all kinds.”

I wiped a bit of wetness from the corner of my mouth. “Indeed.”

Fake Book Cover Day

I have decided to declare January 10th "Fake Book Cover Day" because I, along with one other person I know (my CP, Ilima) have chosen today to post our pretend covers. Everyone else, it's not too late to jump on the bandwagon!

So, without further ado, here is the fake cover I designed for my latest manuscript, The Lovely Invisible (a Cupid & Psyche retelling). Enjoy!

Click to view larger

 How many of you have fake book covers floating around out there?

Christmas, Weddings, Nano, New Stories

Lots of things have been on my mind this December, and my life has been packed with all brands of wonderful. Here's a sampling of the sweetness.

Winter bride

1. My baby sister got married yesterday. She looked lovely in her beautiful white dress and lacy winter shawl, but much, much more importantly, she was SO HAPPY. She cried. I cried. We all cried. I love you, Emily. I'll make 700 crepes for your reception any day.

2. I won NaNo in November. I realize this news is late and therefore anticlimactic, but I'm still thrilled about it. While doing NaNo again was cool, it was ten times more thrilling that I also finished my novel in November. Now The Lovely Invisible is taking a little rest in prep for a scrutinizing revision, and it always helps to have a little distance so I can get super objective.

3. I have a bright, shiny, and very different (for me, anyway) idea for a new novel! Since I revel in revisions, I'm amazed I want to draft something new already. This story is that special. It's already given me a rash of sleepless nights and all kinds of glorious distractibility. Good signs. But the premise is tricky and needs more research. I want to do this right, so I'm gearing up for major brainstorming and research-a-thons come January.

Trying to rock the 3D glasses

4. I saw The Hobbit in 3D and at an IMAX theater (my first IMAX experience). I'm a harsh film critic, and I have lots of opinions about this film, but I'm willing to forgive many things because the last half of the film was pure awesomeness (Peter Jackson rocks endings), and Thorin (played by a fab actor, Richard Armitage--have you seen North and South? Swoon!) was incredible and totally made the movie for me. So go see The Hobbit (but not in 3D). I can't wait to see it again!

5. I'm spoiling myself for Christmas (yes, I pick out my own presents) by getting a bunch of novels and writing books I selected with a focus on emotion and impactful endings--two aspects of writing I don't feel get enough attention on blogs or books on craft. I'm excited to dig in and continue to learn, learn, learn.

6. I'm most grateful, especially in light of world events, for my sweet family. They are my best gift.

Celebrating my oldest daughter after she performed in A Christmas Carol

I'd like to leave you with a Christmas present (courtesy of Coldplay). This is one of my favorite songs ever (probably tying for first place with Brandi Carlile's "The Story"). Even though this is a Christmas song, it reminds me of summer, which is when I first heard it. But it's definitely a year-round favorite.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Listening to Your Characters

I'm less than 5k away from winning NaNoWriMo, and even better, less than 10k away from finishing my first draft of The Lovely Invisible. Now is the time I can barely eat or sleep because the tension in the story is so high that I need to write, write, write to get it all out of me. Now is the time I see the story coming full circle, even in its messiness, even past the long list of "Things to Fix Later"--which brings me to listening to characters during writing.

As I've mentioned in past posts, I've done a lot of legwork with this novel in outlining, researching, and other preparations. That's great for keeping me on task with the plot and not staring at blank pages, but it makes it a little frightening when I'm in the midst of following my neat plan and--WHAM!--my headstrong main character says, "Um, excuse me, Mother Author, I can't walk down that tidy little path you paved for me. I know myself better than you do, and I would sooooo not do that." (She sounds so much like my thirteen-year-old daughter.)

"Wait, what?" I reply. "You HAVE to! I've spent weeks figuring out the timeline your story, and this needs to happen right now."

My character rolls her eyes. "Do you seriously think I'm that one-dimensional? I'm. Not. Going. To. Do. It. In this situation, here's what I'd do instead--that and nothing else."

"But. But. You're  not supposed to do that for four more chapters! And you're supposed to HATE the villain and kiss your lover boy NOW."

"Listen, Mother Author"--my character pats my tendonitis-stricken hand--"just trust me. Things will be better my way."

I groan. "All right, let's say I do follow your lead..." I feverishly flip through my note card outline. "You realize if you change this here, I'm going to have to go back and fix, like, a bazillion things to streamline the whole manuscript."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, and that would mean a TON of revising. That's precious time, my dear character."

She folds her arms and gives me a level stare. "Did you really think you'd have a perfect first draft, Mom?"

I shrug sheepishly, and then throw my hands in the air. "Fine! You win! Are you happy?"

She squeals with delight and gives me a bear hug. "Yes! Thank you! You're the best!"

I huff. "Yeah, yeah."

***

Does any of this sound familiar? Am I the only one who has these battles with my characters--and lose most of the time?

But perhaps I'm winning...I just don't know it yet. Perhaps when I read my manuscript from beginning to end, I'll shake my head with wonder. Because then I'll realize, "Dang, my character was sooooo right!"

Update on NaNoWriMo

I'm deep in the trenches of NaNoWriMo again. I did NaNo last year and wrote 60k words. This year I'll be ecstatic if I write under 50k. I'm trying to finish the novel I began at the beginning of summer. Yes, I'm cheating (as I did last year). I'm starting NaNo with words already written (45k, to be exact). I really don't want my book to be 95k, but, overdrafter that I am, it probably will be. That's okay, I tell myself. I sliced 43k off my first novel, and I can do it again if necessary. Maybe next month will be DecCutABunchMo. We'll see.

All in all, NaNo is going swimmingly! I actually outlined this book (I know!), which I didn't do last year. (That novel was semi-outlined in my head, but I was too superstitious to write anything down...long story). I have a handy rubber-banded stack of note cards with all my scenes and important beats. I have a self-drawn map of my heroine's kingdom, the names and telling characteristics for my "cast," a timeline of all the days in my story and what has to happen by each day (my plot revolves around important deadlines). I also wrote the mockup back cover copy for my novel after I'd written about 20k to help keep me on track with the most important aspects. Plus I spent most of my summer buried in research (this novel takes place in ancient Greece). I still hit "research bumps" 2-3 times a week, but that's to be expected with a story like this.

All of these things--the outline, the back cover copy, the research, and other preparations--are making NaNo SO MUCH EASIER this year. It's still difficult. I'm a slow writer, so I wake up two hours earlier than my kids each morning to get a head start. And I don't usually finish my word count (I shoot for 2k a day so I get a day off on Sunday) until 3:00 in the afternoon. But what I'm NOT doing is staring at a blank page wondering what comes next. I know what comes next. And surprisingly there's still lots of room for discovery, which I love and which motivates me to write more. My outline is not so detailed that I don't switch things around or add things. I've already shuffled a few note cards in my "outline stack."

I'm well aware that everyone writes differently. I have some amazing CPs that pants their way through NaNo with brilliant material. And they pretty much started their stories from the beginning. I admire that so much because I could never write a beginning so quickly! The first 45k of my novel took me four months to write. A lot of that involved me stopping, contemplating, rethinking, and double-checking my research. I needed to get to know my characters a little more, let my story simmer in my brain. I'm finding my own groove as I write more novels, and I'm trying not to compare myself with people who write very differently--though just as well or better than me.

What I love about NaNo is that it motivates me to kick my writer butt into high gear, stop poking around with all the details, and shut up my inner editor. That's all good and fine for awhile, but then I've had it! I need to birth my first draft baby already!!!

Have you ever attempted to win NaNoWriMo before? How did you do it? Would you ever do it again?

The Next Big Thing

My critique partner, Taryn Albright, tagged me for "The Next Big Thing" blog interview hop. Since I've already blogged a lot about The Rowaness of Shalott, I thought I'd answer questions about my work-in-progress instead.

What is your working title of your book? 
The Lovely Invisible

Where did the idea come from for the book?
This is a very loose retelling of the Cupid & Psyche myth, but still set in ancient Greece. I don't like how Psyche is a "wussy" in the myth, however. My Psyche, "Isidora," is much different. Her weakness is her intelligence, which leads to a lack of faith.

What genre does your book fall under?
YA fantasy

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
Ooh, my favorite question! I can't think of the right actress to play Isidora yet, but she will look something like this...

 
And the PERFECT actor to play Eros (Cupid) is Douglas Booth. If you saw him in the recent TV miniseries, Great Expectations, you'd know he's not only is he swoonworthy, but also an amazing actor!

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book? (I'm cheating with two.)
To regain her right to rule, eighteen-year-old Queen Isidora must marry one of three preselected suitors; however, the man she is drawn to isn't one of the three--or like them at all. He is invisible.


How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript? May we see an intro?
I started writing it in July, and I'm about halfway through. I'm hoping to finish the draft by November. (This story requires LOTS of research.)

Intro:

I stared at the face of the god of love, not the polished bronze mirror balanced on his wings.

“You will look,” Nuri, said as she tilted up my chin with her small brown fingers.

I kept my eyes fastened on the marble god. His mouth was sculpted in such a way I couldn’t determine whether he was scowling or smirking at me.

Shaking her head, Nuri clucked her tongue. “You shame the patron goddess.”

I wriggled my chin from her grasp. “I thought the virginal white was an appropriate choice.”

“Don’t try and fool me, Isidora. I’ve been in your service since the day you were weaned. You chose the white because it’s plain.” Nuri grabbed a fistful of my long robe as if it were evidence worthy of banishment.

I sighed and glanced at the foot of the mirror, where three rolls of newly delivered papyri lay waiting to be read. I wanted this day to be over. I wanted to curl into a quiet corner of the palace and read about the strange fire and water machine that opened temple doors in Athens, the paved slipway near Corinth, the controversial prose of the female poet, Sappho. “Why should I draw attention to myself on Procession Day?” I asked Nuri. “The glory should go to the goddess.”

The marble god below the mirror was definitely scowling at me now. He heard my lie as well as my maid: I cared nothing for the glory of Aphrodite.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
Ha! I have no idea. It's a character-driven fantasy in the vein of Kristin Cashore, Leigh Bardugo, and Cinda Williams Chima.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

My longtime love of Greek mythology, and the themes of faith and doubt in the Cupid & Psyche myth--mixed with falling in love, of course. :-) I also drew from stories of strong historical young queens, especially Elizabeth I, Victoria, and Jane, the nine-days queen of England. And when I visited France, I saw the statue, Psyche Revived by Cupid's Kiss, by the sculptor, Canova. It was my favorite piece of art in the Louvre, and one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. This picture does not do justice!

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
One of my critique partners said my story was like The Bachelorette, but set in ancient Greece. :-)

The Lucky Seven Challenge

I've had two crazy weeks of insanity. My husband's still looking for a job, my teenaged-daughter finished the run of her play, our renter is moving out of the home we own in Florida, and we still haven't been able to sell it. Lots of financial stress, and, to top it all off, I got to experience (for the first time) a spell of nasty vertigo. During the madness, I got a measly 1000 words written. BUT I was able to think through and find solutions for a few plot snags in my WIP. I also made note cards of all the major beats and scenes, and then put them in order. This will help a ton when I finally have significant time to write again (school starts for my three kids in nine days!). Sometimes life can be overwhelming, but during these times beautiful moments arrive, too--like when I got to spend an afternoon with my 13-year-old daughter yesterday to teach her to play the guitar. This reminded me that a full life--with all its ups and downs--is only going to make me be a better writer and make the stories pouring out of me more meaningful.

On another note, thanks to my friend, Michelle Davidson Argyle (whom I incidentally interviewed on my blog last week) for tagging me in The Lucky Seven Challenge. My critique partner, Robin Hall, also tagged me for this a few months ago, but I wasn't brave enough to do it then. I'm feeling equally cowardly this time around, but more reckless. So here we go!

The rules are to go to page seven, line seven of my work-in-progress novel, and post the following seven lines of prose. So here's your challenge: read my excerpt, view my cryptic photos for novel inspiration, and consider my working title--The Lovely Invisible--and see if you can figure out what my story is about. (Don't give it away in the comments if you're one of the few who already know!)

Excerpt:

I stood with my sisters behind a curtain the priestesses strung up outside the main city gate. The air was thick with dust from the mass of people trampling to and fro in last-minute preparations. Over the top of the curtain, I caught glimpses of acrobats somersaulting through the air as they warmed up for the long march to the temple, and my stomach grumbled as the smell of barley and honey cakes wafted over the great city wall.

I hadn’t had time to eat this morning, not with all the primping Nuri subjected me to. The look on her face when I agreed to be made up for the procession was worthy of purchasing her freedom, though, knowing Nuri, she would have remained in my service anyway. She knew she had more power in that position than the finest noblewoman in the city.

As the sun beat down on me, I fought the urge to itch the white powder on my face, neck and arms, and ruin Nuri’s “masterpiece.”


Now, according to the rules of The Lucky Seven Challenge, I am supposed to tag seven friends to participate and post their own excerpts. You are not obliged, of course, but I'd love to read your stuff!

My critique partners:
Robin Hall (Yes, you've already done this, but I want to read an excerpt of your MG!)
Ilima Todd (You've done this, too, but I'd love you to post something from your WIP so everyone can see how awesome it is.)
Emily Prusso (I want to read an excerpt of your awesometacular revision.)
Taryn Albright (Let's let the world see a sneak-peek of your amazing sports mystery, Spot Me.)
And my awesome blog followers who I'd love to get to know better:
Rebecca Barrow
Fiona
Brandon Ax