Meet 'n' Greet

As part of the Gearing Up to Get an Agent (GUTGAA) festivities, here are my answers for the Meet & Greet Q&A. I'm actually one of the first-round judges for the upcoming pitch contest, but I really wanted to join in the preliminary schmoozing! :-) For more info on GUTGAA, or to sign up for the upcoming contests, go to deanabarnhart.blogspot.com.

Where do you write?
At my desktop computer in the family room, right smack in the middle of all the commotion. Occasionally, my husband lets me steal his laptop and write in my bedroom with the door shut for hours. That is divine, and I write so much faster when I'm not interrupted every two seconds!

Quick. Go to your writing space, sit down and look to your left. What is the first thing you see?
A rubber-banded stack of note cards with the major beats and scenes of the novel I'm writing.

Favorite time to write?
I'm a night owl, but I write best first thing in the morning. I've discovered evenings are better for editing.

Drink of choice while writing?
Water. I carry a water bottle everywhere I go. I need me my H2O!

When writing , do you listen to music or do you need complete silence?
Complete silence is best, though I write to music often--but only if it's instrumental. Movie soundtracks are great. I love to sing, and if the music has vocals, I can't help but sing along. Then I'm too distracted to get any writing done!

What was your inspiration for your latest manuscript and where did you find it?
Two things inspired The Rowaness of Shalott. First, my lifetime love of fairies (especially dryads) and mythology (Arthurian myths, in this case). And, second, my feelings revolving around donating a kidney to my brother played a huge role in the themes of this novel.

What's your most valuable writing tip?
Once you've finished your draft, give it some space--at least two weeks (I did two months). Then read it in as little sittings as possible and mark it only for pacing or big picture things. Edit as little as possible so you keep reading quickly like a reader would. This helps me understand, more than anything, how my story is working as a whole.

Mini Bio:
I grew up spouting Shakespeare on the stage and playing folk songs on my guitar, but it wasn’t until I had three children that I discovered my passion for creative writing. Now I channel my artistic energy into the pages of my young adult fantasy novels, where I get to act out all the parts and write swoonworthy love songs for my characters.

Never Surrender: Donating a Kidney

In honor of Elana Johnson's new book, SURRENDER, I have joined the "Never Surrender" blogfest. Here's my never surrender story.

Six years ago, my older brother's kidneys failed. This wasn't the first time. When Matt was a teenager, my dad donated a kidney to him. But "foreign" kidneys only last so long. Because my brother ultimately rejected my dad's kidney, that meant at least half of my siblings (ten in total) wouldn't be able to donate to him this time around; they had the same antigen as my dad that Matt's body would also reject.

I wanted more than anything to donate my kidney to my brother, and so I got tested and--hallelujah--I was a perfect match! With blood and tissue type, we were like twins. I kept advancing through the succeeding tests (there are a bazillion) to make sure everything was inline to donate. Matt and I started planning possible surgery dates and dreaming of a life for him with no more dialysis. Then one day the nurse coordinator called me and said the surgeons ruled me out for donation. Here's why: I had all these extra forking arteries coming out of my kidneys. They couldn't be spliced into Matt's "plumbing system" because they were too tiny. I tried coming up with any exception (my dad also had extra arteries when he donated years ago), but nothing I said mattered. The answer was no. I couldn't donate to Matt.

I was so confused, so torn-up inside. I knew I was supposed to do this. I've never cried so hard in my life. I locked myself in a room and sobbed and wailed through a whole box of tissues AND my sleeves AND all my children's blankets. All I wanted to do was help my brother and I couldn't.

To make matters worse, my brother turned down a kidney from a girl who died in a car accident just the day before the surgeons told me NO. Matt could have had a kidney, but he was waiting for mine--the "perfect match." I felt horrible.

For the next three years Matt's health declined. While dealing with the continued drudgery of dialysis, he contracted a life-threatening case of West Nile Virus, which gave him seizures that sent him to the emergency room often. Several times he almost died. On top of that, cancer was discovered on his failing kidney, and it had to be completely removed. And there were still no matching donors. The rest of my siblings tried and were ruled out, along with several friends and acquaintances. Some had the antigens he'd reject. Some weren't in good enough health. Matt began to despair. He said he would sit and look outside his living room window. He'd watch the people in his neighborhood walk outside and get the mail from their mailboxes. He wished so badly to have the strength to do that. He wanted to tell them how lucky they were.

One day when Matt had another close call and ended up in the hospital, I'd had enough. I drove up to Salt Lake City and marched into the kidney clinic, where I waited for two hours until someone would talk to me. I demanded that they take my kidney NOW and give it to Matt. I was his perfect match! Why couldn't they use their brilliant surgeon skills and make this work? They told me no. Again.

I decided to forget them and figure out how to donate to Matt somewhere else. My oldest brother and I researched a facility out east that looked promising. When I called the hospital in Salt Lake City and asked them to transfer my x-rays and test results, the nurse coordinator said, "Whoa, now, wait a minute. Let's rethink doing this here." A few days later, the surgeons had a big meeting and one of them--to the dismay of the others--stepped up and said, "I can do this."

With Matt before the transplant

So three years ago--on my wedding anniversary, and when my third child was only nine-months-old, and a week before my husband graduated college--I finally got to donate my kidney to Matt. I was giving something life-saving to someone I loved who couldn't obtain it for himself. I'm not special because I chose to donate (so many people wanted to), or that I did. But I am blessed by that experience a thousand times over. It was the most wonderful and painful and awful and beautiful and defining thing I've done. It's what ultimately inspired me to write The Rowaness of Shalott. Because, in the end, fiction was the best way for me to describe what I felt and what I don't know how to adequately explain in any other way.

I'm grateful Matt is now living a full life. I'm grateful he can run around with his three little girls and work a demanding and fulfilling job. That he can walk to his mailbox and get the mail again. I'm grateful I never surrendered.

I Conquered the Beast

(And when I say beast, I mean my wickedly long but beautiful baby--my first novel.)

I've spent the last two-and-a-half month's, several hours each day, cutting and polishing The Rowaness of Shalott.

Have you ever stared at a computer screen for so long that your eyes start crossing? I have and, let me tell you, it's a little bit freaky!

What I learned from this mega revision:

• I may have thought my beginning was brilliant, but I didn't really understand how well it worked (and that it needed lots of fixing) until I wrote the end of my novel.
• I may have thought my ending was brilliant, but I didn't really understand how well it worked (and that it needed lots of fixing) until I finished this long revision.
• The best way I learned what was and wasn't working in my book was to read it. (Duh, I know, but I'm talking about reading--and not editing--it in as little sittings as possible. For me, that was four days.)
• MCs get sassier with more attention. Villains become more sympathetic.
• It is possible to love two fictional men at the same time (okay, I already knew this).
• My characters can still surprise me (yes, Arthur, I'm talking about you).
• I still believe in and love this story--more so than ever!

Some stats about my drafting and revision process so far:

• Started writing the first version (contemporary, two POVs, set in Alaska, no Arthurian stuff) in December of 2009
• Bagged the earlier version and started writing the Arthurian version in the summer of 2010
• Finished my first draft in November of 2011 (two-thirds of it were written in Oct. and Nov.)
• Finished this mega revision YESTERDAY (April 24, 2012)!
• Original word count: 141,320 (not to mention 4,000 words I cut before drafting the last two-thirds)
• Revised word count: 98,972
• I cut 42,348 words! (almost as long as a NaNo novel)
• Original page count: 490
• Revised page count: 362
• I cut 128 pages! (That might not seem like a lot, but it SO is.)

Anyway you do the math, I feel awesome! And I've totally owned my writing process, which is overwriting to draft, and then cutting to revise (though, I did have to rewrite sections of the beginning and end).

I know there will still be revisions to come with new beta readers, and hopefully one day an agent and editor, but for now I will breathe a big fat sigh of relief because I did one of the hardest things by hacking this book to below 100k.

Casting My Characters

What writer doesn't dream of seeing her book turned into a movie? As an actress, I have an even greater tendency to get lost in these imaginings. My crit group and I also have fun emailing each other with our future movie casts. I've even gotten to the point that when I watch TV or movies anymore, my mind drifts and I wonder if that actor or actress would fit in my film (like even when I'm watching American Idol...see below). I think about directors too. My current favorite pick: Terrence Malick (Tree of Life, New World). I love him!

Here's my dream cast:

Guinevere

I've thought about Lily Collins, but my new favorite choice is Alexis Raich. I saw her on an episode of Fringe. She's a great actress and has that otherworldy beauty that fits the part.

Lancelot

Alex Pettyfer fits the bill. He's also got the same fabulous deep voice that my Lancelot has.

Arthur

Anton Yelchin is an amazing actor and has a great look for the part, though he'd have to go blond. But then I saw Phillip Phillips from American Idol. He looks perfect! C'mon, Phillip, can you learn how to act and drop your southern accent? Pleeeeeease?

Nimue

The coveted role of Queen of the Rowaness goes to Michelle Dockery from Downton Abbey. Congratulations, Michelle! Future Academy Award coming your way.

Constantine

Jim Caviezel would be fabulous in this role, but I must give it to Rufus Sewell, one of the best actors and one of the most underrated. (Did you see him in Zen? Reserve it on your Netflix now!) Rufus, I have complete faith you can pull off the part! This is also the role my husband (a brilliant actor) wants to play. Honey, I'll be sure to put in a good word for you. :-)

The Watcher

This tricky and subtle role goes to one of the most brilliant actresses, Abbie Cornish. She is in my FAVORITE movie, Bright Star.

Galahad and Gawain, I haven't forgotten about you...I just haven't figured you out yet. I can't just offer your roles to anybody! Everyone else in my cast, be prepared to wear colored contacts or dye your hair. Such is the actor's life. Oh, and Rachel Portman, heads up, you'll be composing the score. After the soundtracks for Emma, The Cider House Rules, and The Duchess, you can do no wrong in my book.

All right! Now I've just got to line up a producer, book the Isle of Wight for location filming, and write the screenplay. What was that? Get an agent? Publish my book first? *sighs* Way to shoot down my fantasy.

Confessions of an Overwriter

Is it a phone book? Is it a doorstop? No, it's my first draft!

When I finished the draft of my novel in December, it clocked it at about 140,000 words. Yipes! But it is a fantasy, there is necessary worldbuilding, and it is the first book in a trilogy. Still...140,000 words! I've been told all along my novel needs to be under 100k for YA, and as I typed those last few chapters I was cringing. "No, no, no...end NOW, novel!" But it wouldn't mind me. I finally gave in, realizing I had to get all the words out of me, then I'd come back, revise and chop, chop, chop.

But in my two months' distance from my novel, I started to worry. I mean, what could I possibly cut from my plot? I already kept my cast of characters fairly small. Cut I cut any more? I was confident, at least, that deleting 10k wouldn't be a big deal, but 40k? Ouch.

So as strange as it sounds, when I read my lengthy novel over four days--and really got a sense of the pacing as a whole--it made me CRAZY HAPPY to see I had plenty...PLENTY of raw material to work with for cutting!

Yes, folks, I am an overwriter. I've known this from the beginning, but now I see more clearly where I overwrite. These are the areas where I'm especially guilty:

• Warming up:  There's always a big scene or a big moment I'm working up to. I always have a fear that I'll reach that moment too soon and it will feel contrived to the reader. I am almost always wrong and can cut at least half my words in the warm up/set up.
• Interiority:  I LOVE interiority in novels. Stories without it don't compel me. But this is where I have the biggest problem with overwriting. I stuff so much inner thought into my prose that it bogs down my pacing. I can cut probably a third of all the interiority I write.
• Beats:  The actress in me likes to act out my characters. I like to write them making facial expressions, twiddling things in their fingers, sighing, etc. That's all fine and good, but when I revise, I have to check my dialogue carefully and see if those words alone convey the emotion and thought of the character. When they do, I have to trust them and cut the beat. Too many beats also make the pace lag.

There are two kinds of writers: put-er-in-ers and taker-out-ers. You know what kind you are when it comes to revision. I am obviously a take-er-out-er. But, hey, half the battle is recognizing the problem, right? (The other half is doing something about it.) I'd certainly be in trouble if I submitted a bloated manuscript to an agent. That's why we writers get the beautiful opportunity of a second chance...and third, fourth...gazillionth. We can revise, thank goodness. (And don't worry, future readers, you won't have to read 140,000 words! By the time I'm done, this will be a tight and shiny story; I've already cut half of what I've written in the first three chapters, and the pacing rocks!)

The beauty of overwriting is that in getting nearly every single idea out of me and onto paper, it's easy to find the gems in the writing--the gems that wouldn't be there had I not overthought the subject to such an extent. So in revising, I go back, keep the gems and nix most of the rest.

For me, overwriting is just a part of the process. Maybe it's not a weakness; maybe it's a strength. Or maybe it's just the way I work. Things I do feel confident about with this first draft are my characters and my plot. Sure, they still need some tweaking, but at least those things aren't going to need a major rehaul. I'll be busy enough condensing my novel!

Here's how I've decided to tackle revisions:

I made note cards for every chapter in my book. On the front of the card, I wrote a very brief description of the action in the chapter (in a nutshell, what happens). I also listed the characters involved and the location.

On the back of the note card, I made two columns. The first column listed my three Os: Objective, Obstacle, and Outcome. My character has to want something, something has to get in her way, and there needs to be an outcome--usually NOT what she wants to keep the overall conflict going in the novel. (And, really, every character in the chapter needs three O's as well, so I have to keep those in the back of my mind--because there's no more room on my note card!).

In the second column on the back of the note card are key points of the chapter. These are usually bits of information the reader needs to learn during this time, like pieces of exposition, back story, important plot points, meeting new characters, etc. Once I have this completed note card, I have a focused picture of what this chapter needs to be. Anything beyond it is fluff and in serious danger of my revision battle ax!

When it comes to revisions, are you a put-er-in-er or a take-er-out-er? What kinds of things do you put in or take out? How do you tackle revisions?

Edit: I just read on Kristin Cashore's blog (author of Graceling) that her first draft of Bitterblue (soon-to-be released) was 216,000 words, 800 pages! The will-be published version (seven drafts later) is 550 pages. I feel so much better!

Gaining Confidence as a Writer

I have begun the highly anticipated process of revising my novel. After two years of drafting, being to this point is super exciting...and daunting for me. The truth is, I revised my novel...a lot...before I finished it. I threw out the first six months of work and started over again. I also nitpicked the NEW first third to death (like a year) before moving onto the last two-thirds of my novel, which I wrote in two months. Suffice it to say, it took me a long time to get where I'm at now.

I used to think things like, "Huh, my chapter turned out so much better than I thought it would. Lucky me. If I hadn't decided to write when I did on this particular day and time, and under these exact circumstances, this unique chapter couldn't have been written." In retrospect, I see I was crediting each success along the way to things beyond me. Because things like, I don't know, hard work and determination couldn't possibly have produced a good chapter. I did work hard. I busted my butt. But that couldn't be the reason why my chapters magically came together.

I remember reading interviews of published authors who said they threw out their WHOLE novels and started over again...sometimes more than once. That idea terrified me. I mean, I was fortunate in the first place to have produced a decent chapter, right? How could I toss it out, hoping luck would find me again? The odds weren't good.

I've been under the silly notion that cutting down my lengthy novel to the appropriate size would be a simple matter of hitting the delete key 40,000 times.

Ha!

I just wrote a new chapter one. At least half of it was new material (that was the part I'd been dreading, but was actually fun); the other half was a maddening puzzle-piecing together of stuff I'd already written. When I finished, I'd reduced three long chapters to ten pages. And guess what? The new chapter is SO MUCH BETTER than what I'd written before.

I realized something: maybe, just maybe, this could do with a little person called me. Maybe I was a talented enough to make something shiny and new all over again--every time I determined to. It didn't have to be during a magical time of day or because the planets had aligned.

Now I'm not trying to diss that inspiration plays a big part in writing. We all have our muses and tricks to help set the mood. And I do credit my crit partners, my husband, and other readers for feedback that's helped me shape my story. But I finally realized I can rewrite something well...and take a little credit.

Mary Kole said on her website a few weeks ago, "Words are a renewable resource." That resonated with me, but also had me shaking in my boots. Was I capable of writing better than I had in the first place?

Yes I was. Yes I am.

Love Triangle Agony

So most my crit partners have now read The Rowaness of Shalott. I read it myself after two months' distance (and before reading their critiques). Most of their comments were in line with things I also saw when I read, but the biggest shocker came from one of my best friends (also a crit partner).

She hates Lancelot.

WHAT?!!! How could she hate Lancelot? Impossible!


The feedback I've gotten from other readers/crit partners so far is that they love both Lancelot and Arthur, which is what I wanted. I love them equally, though I know who Guinevere will end up with at the end of my trilogy. I've written both men very differently. Arthur is perfect (which ends up being a flaw) and Lancelot isn't (which compels me to him). I naively thought that every reader would follow Guinevere's story and fall in love with each man when she did.

I was very, very wrong.

This is the joy of love triangles, and after a weekend of being very hurt and angry, I've realized a few things, talked to several people, and come away with some insights.

Guess what? When you write a love triangle, you inadvertently ask your readers to love one interest more than the other. To what degree they love the one, they often hate the other in an equal measure.

Let's take Twilight, for example. I hate Jacob. Hate him. But I suddenly like him during the second half of Breaking Dawn. I realized this was because he was no longer a threat to Bella and Edward's relationship. I could give you paragraphs of valid reasons why I hated Jacob before, but fundamentally, it came down to fact that he was not Edward and was standing in the way of him.

There are some books, however, that I like both love interests (though I still have a favorite). Unearthly and Matched come to mind. But anytime I truly, madly, deeply fall in love with a love interest, I HATE the rival.

Cassandra Clare says your readers should be split down the middle with which love interest they prefer in a love triangle. The stronger they hate and love the other is a GOOD SIGN your story is working.

Now I'll admit love triangles annoy me to no end when they're the typical both-boys-fighting-over-the-girl-and-oh-dear-who-will-she-choose variety. You start hating the girl for being wishy-washy, bouncing back and forth between them. But love triangles can be very effective story tools. Cassandra Clare says if the two boys have a solid friendship, that makes things more interesting (Arthur and Lancelot are best friends, so check). It also makes things more interesting (according to me) if both boys AREN'T fighting for the girl. If they're confused whether they love her or not in the first place. All right, that's all I'm going to spill about my story. The point is, love triangles do have their place in literature AND can be very compelling.

One of the panels I attended at LTUE was on fractured fairy tales. The authors agreed that the reason they fracture a fairy tale is usually because they hated the original or something about it. This is true for me with the Arthurian legends. I dislike how the love triangle is often handled between Arthur, Guinevere and Lancelot. And so The Rowaness of Shalott was born.

I've realized that as I writer I need to let my book communicate in whatever way it will for my readers. I can write, revise and polish all I want, but in the end, not everyone's going to like my story or all of my characters. This friend who hated Lancelot, loved two other characters who none of my other readers have liked so far. Is she right or wrong? It doesn't matter. She is having her own valid experience with my book, and she should be allowed that. Every reader should be. It breaks my heart that she hates Lancelot because I know I won't change him (and because I wanted this close friend to enjoy him). But for my purposes as a writer, he is everything I want him to be. (But my friend loves Arthur. So that's something to be happy about.)

Little did I know what I was getting myself into with writing this love triangle. But now I've gotten a taste for what to expect, I'm more prepared.

*skips away to make Team Lancelot and Team Arthur t-shirts*



For more thoughts on love triangles, visit my awesome crit partner's blog post. (For the record, Ilima loved both Arthur and Lancelot.)

Also, a shout out goes to another crit partner, Taryn, who just signed with agent Vickie Motter. Taryn is a mad genius and we all live vicariously through her. Congrats, Taryn! (Time will tell if she likes Arthur and Lancelot. I'll send her the second draft of Rowaness...hopefully minus 40,000 words.)

Book Cover Love -- Keeping the Dream Alive

Back when I finished my first draft of The Rowaness of Shalott in December, I decided to reward myself for two years of hard work by designing a mock book cover. I'm a very artsy and visual person, so seeing an image like this helps me keep positive, dreaming of the day a publisher makes an even cooler book cover representing the world and characters I've created.

Guinevere is Sleeping and I am Going Crazy

Arwen pretending to be Guinevere

A writer friend of mine recommended that after spending two intense years of writing Guinevere's story, I should give myself some distance--at least a month. That way I could go back my story with fresh eyes and hack at its length with a battle ax.

But after so long I don't know what to do without Guinevere. It sounds pathetic, I know, but...I miss her. *the sound of violins swells in the background*

So here's how I've been biding my time...

• balancing my checkbook (um...hadn't done that in 1 1/2 years)
• potty training my three-year-old daughter (no liquid gold in the froggy potty yet)
• going on actual dates with my husband...what a novelty!
• reading three books on writing and revising (my favorite so far is The First Five Pages: A Writer's Guide to Staying Out of the Rejection Pile by Noah Lukeman)
• buying three more writing books
• entering a bunch of Online contests for pitches and the first 150 of my MS
• registering for a writers' conference
• committing to attending a writers' retreat with my friends in March
• watching a lot of TV and movies (Fringe is back on. Woot, woot!)
• working for the Utah Hemophilia Foundation (well, I do that anyway, but I didn't want my bread and butter--and fabulous friends there--to think I'd forgotten them)
• reading many author and agent blogs
• beta reading a novel for my crit partner (Robin, you go, girl!)
• critiquing three chapters for my other crit partners
• scariest of all (balancing my checkbook was scary) finally emailing my crit partners my MS yesterday. I've been going back and forth with whether or not I should let them read it at this point, knowing it needs so much cutting. But I braved up and decided in a sheer moment of GENIUS, they could help me with that!

So here I am twiddling my thumbs, reading another revision book, and waiting another few days for my sleeping beauty to wake up.

My battle ax and I will be ready...I think.

A Balancing Act

So I haven't blogged since August. Wow. But in the meantime I finished the draft of my two-years-in-the-works YA fantasy! I'm realizing, once again, how I DO NOT have the talent of doing more than one thing at a time. Somehow all my crit partners managed to complete NaNoWriMo AND blog AND make thoughtful comments on other people's blogs. How do you do it, my friends? What is your secret?

Even though I technically didn't qualify to win Nano in the first place (you have to start a new novel, and mine was already half-written), I set a goal to write 50k with my friends in November. I actually accomplished 60k that month...and that was pretty much the ONLY thing I did. Everything else fell by the wayside. Even simple things like changing out of my pajamas or fixing dinner for my family just didn't happen. I was caught up in an all-consuming bubble (can bubbles consume? of course they can!) of Guinevere's adventures in Shalott.

I've had this ability/curse to hyper-focus since I was a little girl. For hours, and in one sitting, I would work on elaborate crafts. A favorite pastime was making paperdolls and paper houses, complete with paper fridges (that had working doors, drawers, and miniature paper food), washers, dryers, closets (with paper hangers for all the paper clothes), stairs, bedrooms for all the paper family, etc.

I've always been this detail oriented and had such overly ambitious creative ideas. But I have to be careful because sometimes I let the most important priorities in my life (family and friends) suffer because of my artistic tunnel vision. My parents tried to teach me again and again how to keep things in balance. It's hard, and now at 34 years-old, I still haven't figured it out.

My goal for 2012 is to blog regularly AND work consistently on revising The Rowaness of Shalott (and what I'm most excited for, writing the sequel!).

In the meantime, feel free to kick me in the booty when I slack, because knowing me, the mesmerizing world of creativity will grasp me in its clutches once again.